A Giving Heart

I am beginning to realize that I am a bit selfish.

Oh, I love doing all the basic giving things like making meals and giving birthday gifts.  But, when it comes to giving my stuff away – new stuff – that is very uncomfortable.

Hannah, as I mentioned earlier, is leaving for Haiti tomorrow.  Her plan is to go with a full suitcase and come back with an empty one, leaving all her clothes and shoes for the orphans.  Friends, this is not coming easy for me.  I have bought new clothes, cute things, for her trip.  In my mind, I don’t have the money to just go back out and buy all new clothes when she returns.  She just smiles at me.  Today, I said in a loud voice, frustrated with myself, “Yes, I am selfish!  I don’t like it, either!  Just give all your clothes away, I don’t care!  God will be honored and you will be doubly blessed!”  I was trying to convince myself!

She has a heart like her father.  He would give everything away to anyone who needed it.  I was reminded of an event in our life that I had forgotten all about until today. I told Hannah and she was blown away.  I was humbled and repentant when I remembered this blessing from the Lord.

Victor and I took a missions trip to Guatemala several years ago to visit the Showalter’s work.  We helped prepare a Bible school by cleaning and painting everything.  We also set up a little clothing ‘store’ for people who needed clothes.  We all took extra things down to help stock this little store.  I had no problem giving away my second-hand clothing.

When we left, my husband decided to leave everything that was in his suitcase.  All his jeans, shirts, hats, socks…everything!  I felt the same little selfish spirit.  Did he realize that we were going to have to buy all new things when we got back home?   That was going to be so expensive!

About a week after we returned, Victor’s father came into the office one day and said, “Boynee (his little nickname for him), I was taking off the trash today, and you’ll never believe what I found!”

Sitting outside the dumpster, were boxes of freshly starched Duck Head khaki pants (in Victor’s exact size – and at that time, all he wore were those Duck Head khaki’s), starched button down shirts, ties, belts, t-shirts, etc.  All in his size and all clean and fresh!  This was probably 4 or 5 times the amount that he left and in much better condition.  We absolutely could not believe it!  This was a pressed down, shaken together blessing happening right before our eyes!

Now, how in the world could I still have a problem giving when I have seen firsthand the blessings of God?  I guess because I’m just a sinner, saved by grace, and need to be forgiven on a daily basis.  I am thankful for a husband and daughter who have no problem with the concept of freely giving.

I’m a slow learner, but I’m getting there…